Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.

322 Stephenson Avenue, Ste B
Savannah, GA 31405

ph: 912-352-2992
fax: 912-352-3447

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  • Advanced Praise for The Emotional Toolbox
  • Praise for Dr. Bochner's Previous Book
  • Newsletter
  • Testimonials
  • New Book - "The Emotional Toolbox: A Manual for Mental Health"
  • Table of Contents from "The Emotional Toolbox"
  • Articles for IndividualsClick to open the Articles for Individuals menu
    • Section 1 - Getting You Working Well
    • You Need to Know You're Great
    • Changing Our Past Adaptation For Our Future
    • Balance and the Motivation to Change
    • Undoing the Troubled-Past/Troubled-Future Dilemma
    • The Importance of Growth
    • Section 2 - Development: Troubleshooting for Wear and Tear
    • Low Self-Esteem and Its Connection to Cognitive Dissonance
    • How Identical Circumstances Lead to Opposite Personalities
    • Creating Strength From Weakness
    • Loss and Hope
    • Section 3 - Living: Your Everyday Maintenance in Interaction
    • Criticism and Us
    • Balancing the Animal and the Spiritual
    • The Power and Control Addiction
    • Understanding Boundaries
    • The Failure of Empathy in Everyday Life
    • The Crippling Effects of Worry
    • Section 4 - Tools: Caring for You and Your Communication with Others
    • Breathe!!!
    • Be Your Own Best Friend
    • The "Big What If..." - Stress Management for Tough Times
    • The Writing Cure (for Sleep or Trauma)
    • Assertiveness: The 30% Solution
  • Articles for CouplesClick to open the Articles for Couples menu
    • Section 5 - Can Two Parts Beat as One?
    • Women and Men
    • The Three A's of Relationship: Acceptance, Accommodation, and Assertiveness
    • Connection and Independence
    • Understanding Personality Styles in Couples
    • Section 6 - New Cars, Fast Cars, Backfires and Crashes
    • The Dating Fantasy
    • Sex is Not a Drive, It's Just Real Important
    • Affairs and Divorce
    • Section 7 - Tools for Making Yourself Fully Understood
    • Communication From the Heart
    • Key Signals - The Key to Jump Starting Change in Relationships
    • "I" Statements
  • Articles for FamiliesClick to open the Articles for Families menu
    • Section 8 - Family Relations
    • From Id to Family System or The Id is the Engine in the Great Life Machine
    • Emotional Space
    • Section 9 - Parenting
    • The Essentials of Parenting
    • Who's to Say What's "Right" in Parenting?
    • You Don't Know How Much They Love You
    • Section 10 - Building Good Kids
    • From Materialism to Integrity: The Building Blocks of the Healthy Human Structure
    • Freedom and Responsibility
    • Bullying
    • "Be A Man"
    • It Must be Hard to be a Girl
    • Section 11 - Using Discipline
    • Leaks in Discipline
    • The "Satisfaction Meter"
    • It's So Hard to be Bad: So For Heaven's Sake, Just Be Good!
    • Good Discipline for Acting Out Kids
    • Sample Reward System
  • Articles on Psychological DiagnosesClick to open the Articles on Psychological Diagnoses menu
    • Section 12 - Major Diagnoses
    • Depression
    • Anxiety
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Psychotic Disorders
    • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
    • Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder (ADD or ADHD)
    • Section 13 - Personality Diagnoses
    • Histrionic Personality Disorder
    • Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder
    • Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    • Borderline Personality Disorder
    • Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
    • The Other Personality Disorders
    • Section 14 - Addictions
    • Addiction: A Relationship to Remember
    • Codependency

Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder

 

"That is soooooo Passive Aggressive!!!" I don't know about you, but I have heard that so many times. Often people merely mean to say that a person's actions may seem nice or cooperative on the surface, but those actions truly make others feel like crap. Sometimes people call someone passive aggressive just because they are angry about someone being nice when they themselves think the situation is not really so nice. To psychologists, however, the term means quite a bit more. In fact, there is a whole personality designation, or diagnosis, that goes along with the term.

Behaviors indicative of passive aggressive personality at a clinical level include being argumentative yet avoiding confrontation, having difficulty with authority, having difficulty finishing things, being lazy, and fearing the judgment of others. At the core of being passive aggressive is a conflict between feeling good about oneself (and sometimes exaggeratedly great), while simultaneously feeling as though it is a must to please others. Because the Passive Aggressive feels the need to please others, they also perceive themselves to be constantly doing for others and rarely getting anything in return. They perceive others as controlling them because they feel they have to do what is asked of them. The life of the Passive Aggressive Personality is constantly filled with depleting disappointment as they perceive the world to be unfair and and unjust.

The typical Passive Aggressive appears to be very pleasant and mild-mannered, but is generally filled with resentment. They lack assertiveness, not because they don't think they are deserving, but because they are mortally fearful of others' disappointment or anger. Although they love to take the devil's advocate position in debates and often hone their arguments fastidiously, they can't stand competition of any kind if they think anyone's feelings might get hurt. They are perceived as lazy largely because, in trying to please, they agree to do things but rarely follow through because they don't like being told what to do. They are especially sensitive to judgment in others, not just because they feel it is wrong, but because their lack of assertiveness leads to constant misunderstandings and misjudgments. In short, the Passive Aggressive very rarely gets what they want because they are afraid of hurting or disappointing others if they say what they want. Although they want to succeed and achieve, their inability to compete and their inability to respect authority combine to make success, or any kind of finishing, impossible. The Passive Aggressive feels cheated by life, but because of their self-perception, and the behavior associated with that self-perception, they actually cheat themselves. Because they rarely get what they want and fail to achieve, the Passive Aggressive is typically either depressed or headed for inevitable depression.

The development of the Passive Aggressive Personality can be delineated through a few common factors. The Passive Aggressive's response to their environment, in fact, often makes perfect sense given what they have experienced as children. In the family that will spawn the Passive Aggressive, there is typically a great deal of drama and judgmental behavior. As a young child, the Passive Aggressive quickly learns that, although they are loved, at least one of their parents, and possibly others in the family, are quick to anger or disappointment when independent thoughts are expressed or when independent action is taken. In fact, at least one of the parents is extremely difficult to please and often wants all the attention the family has to offer. A parent of the Passive Aggressive does not like to be challenged and needs others to find them fascinating and exciting. Thus, the Passive Aggressive learns that their feelings are unimportant, or at the least, must be put on hold till the needs of others are addressed. It is interesting, however, that the Passive Aggressive does seem to feel loved...

 

 

For the complete article, please buy The Emotional Toolbox book.

 

Copyright 2010 Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.  Material provided on this web site is for educational and/or informational purposes only.  This web site does not offer either online services or medical advice.  No therapeutic relationship is established by use of this site.

322 Stephenson Avenue, Ste B
Savannah, GA 31405

ph: 912-352-2992
fax: 912-352-3447