Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.

Using the Manual

An Introduction to the "Great Life Machine"

The Emotional Toolbox is organized like a manual for a great old machine, perhaps a classic automobile, or perhaps, as is more fitting to this context, a "great life machine." Unlike other manuals that focus on all brand new systems functioning perfectly, however, this manual recognizes the various types of likely breakdown that occur over time, and focuses intently on helping the owner bring the old beauty (that is, you and your life) up to full potential. This manual assumes that the owner has developed a good sense of the workings of the machine and is now looking to improve it, perhaps due to some specific kind of fault or defect in its systems, or maybe to recover from a wreck, or maybe just to smooth out some expected kinks. In understanding the manual, it's helpful to understand that the machine is not you. Rather, it is you and how you fit into your life. In a way, in fact, the machine is the whole world around us, but this manual primarily views you as a part of the larger apparatus that is your family and your network of friends and acquaintances. Of course, as a cog in this "great life machine," you have only so much influence on the whole. Nevertheless, the influence you do have can have enormous impact for you and for any part of the machine with which you come into direct contact. This manual points to the ways that you do have influence, encourages you to have more influence, and also helps you understand the workings of the whole system that is this "great life machine."

The Emotional Toolbox manual is broken down into four parts, each of which focuses on a different aspect of the "great life machine." "Part One" focuses on individuals, how individuals are shaped by the larger machine, healthy maintenance of the self, and how individuals can have more and healthier influence with others and their families. "Part Two" brings couples to the fore, with an understanding of the immense importance of couples in this particular kind of apparatus, where couples are often acting as co-governor to the lower machine parts – that is, the children. "Part Two" leads therefore quite naturally to "Part Three," where the family is discussed, with interpersonal family issues seen in relation to individual "drive" and control mechanisms (motivations and emotions, the control of emotions, and the interpersonal influence of emotions). "Part Four" is diagnostic. Much like a classic automobile might have particular kinds of problems that typically arise during its use, human problems fall into definite types, and understanding exactly what kinds of problems arise often helps in discovery of the exact cause, which then leads to a better understanding of how to repair the damage.

Each of the first three parts also contains a "Tools" area, where specific ways to handle specific issues or difficulties are offered. The tools in "Part One" will help with tuning up and caring for oneself; in "Part Two" the tools help in communication between partners or pairs of individuals; and in "Part Three," tools are offered for working with discipline and family rules. Each of the articles in the diagnostic section, "Part Four," indicates specifically how understanding a particular diagnosis leads to pathways toward change or growth past the complications of that diagnosis.

The organization of this manual, much like one would expect from any manual, was developed so that the owner/operator can find immediate answers to whatever problem he or she might encounter. When people first come to psychotherapy, they are typically either experiencing a problem that indicates a need for change, or they are specifically looking to change because life has not been going well for some time. Thus, the book begins where the typical seeker of self-knowledge might also begin, with articles about change. However, it is not intended for most readers to start at the beginning and read through to the end. Rather, a full index was developed to facilitate the reader's ability to find articles of interest, regardless of what problems they are currently experiencing or what one's specific interests might be. The description of each article under its title in the table of contents will also be helpful in choosing where to start, but those descriptions are not intended to be complete, and many of the articles contain information on related topics that could not be stated in brief synopses.

Although this manual can be read in any order, there might be certain patterns that would best suit particular readers. I have written these articles from a perspective at the crossroads of two different theoretical views known as "Systems Theory" and "Psychodynamic Theory." Most of the articles are informed by my own integrative theory (Bochner, 2000) which connects individual motivations and needs (intrapsychic dynamics) to how people influence one another (interpersonal dynamics). Thus, The Emotional Toolbox discusses issues of psychology and mental health at a much deeper level than most self-help books. Because the articles are instructive from the perspective of learning about psychotherapy, students of psychology and psychotherapy, or other professionals, may have an interest in reading the book to better understand how theory is applied to treatment. The perfect springboard for understanding how theory connects to practice is the article "From Id to Family System," which describes my psychological theory at a layman's level, moving from individual motivations and needs to influences in the interpersonal world (the original theory was published in my first book, The Therapist's Use of Self in Family Therapy, Bochner, 2000). Students of psychology interested in achieving a rudimentary, yet very clear, understanding of psychopathology may well want to begin with "Part Four" on "Diagnostics" in order to improve at identifying and knowing where to start with particular diagnostic patterns in practice. These diagnostic articles are also, typically, popular with clients who are either suffering with, or are intimate with someone who is suffering with, those diagnoses. Another way to approach this manual, an approach that might appeal to personal coaches, would be to focus on the various "Tools" sections, because many clients frequently seek immediate mechanisms for proceeding with particular problems.

Finally, by way of introduction, I would like to express my wishes for my reader. In using this book, regardless of how one does so, it is my sincere hope that the reader will achieve a better understanding of themselves and their relationships. Because I use these articles as an adjunct to my work with regular everyday people, it should be noticed that they were written to help regular everyday people, yet at a level that informs well beyond the obvious or easy. So many people now face the difficulties of everyday life and barely have the time or the resources to consult a professional. While there is no way any book can replace psychotherapy, this manual, The Emotional Toolbox, addresses the most commonly encountered issues of life, explains emotional difficulties and interpersonal communication at a level where the reader can feel personally understood, and offers solutions or redemption where people struggle most. I view the reader of this book as someone searching for answers and hoping to grow beyond their current travails. For that reason, this Manual for Mental Health is designed to move the reader, the owner/operator of a life, from an understanding of the connection between inner conflicts and interpersonal difficulties toward an awareness and development of inner beauty and balance. Its aim is to provide a road-map for confidence in oneself, interpersonal spontaneity, utility of expression, and family growth. In the end, a meaningful and fulfilling life is derived from a life well-lived. Ultimately therefore, by offering its wide variety of topics, insights and tools, and by shedding light on ways to live a healthier, well-lived, emotional life, it is my sincerest hope that The Emotional Toolbox will help lead its reader to triumph, triumph in an interpersonally connected world, where the reader is owner/operator or architect of their own constructive, creative, effective, enthralling and, if they are to spread their emotional health to others, perhaps even radiant, existence.