Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.

Writing is an amazing psychological tool. Many people write on a daily basis to help them keep abreast of some semblance of continuity within their lives. It helps them put together and make sense of things that sometimes seem nonsensical, and it helps them get in touch with feelings from deep within. Writing is a natural way to unleash one's creative flow. Although words were developed for communication, when we write, it often seems we communicate first and foremost with ourselves. As such, writing is a marvelous way to make sense of ourselves and our lives. Writing is also invaluable in some much more specific ways. For getting to sleep, and for working through upsetting or traumatic experiences, writing works wonders. Although writing is a powerfully versatile tool for maintaining mental health in so many ways, the focal point of this article will be these more specific uses of writing for insomnia and for trauma.

Writing for Insomnia

So many people these days use sleep aids for insomnia, but many really wish they didn't have to. Maybe you really don't have to! It's amazing how easy it is to get words out of your mind and onto paper. In a way, it's really just a simple trick of the mind. Our minds work to integrate experience. So, when we're over-focusing on something at night, apparently our mind is afraid we won't be able to integrate what we're thinking into our overall experience. On the other hand, as long as we ensure that we won't forget what we're thinking about, our mind will often trust that we will take care of integrating later. That's the trick. You may not know it, but your mind just wants to make sure you won't forget. So, for insomnia, in most circumstances you need only write out what's on your mind to free your mind for sleep.

Insomnia can seize us because we're excited about something almost as much as because we're worried. We might be planning all sorts of details or we might be challenging ourselves with the most indecipherable problems. We might be fantasizing with anticipation about some fantastic upcoming event or an accomplishment we see emerging upon our horizon. We might also be dreading a necessary or feared confrontation. Or perhaps our financial situation has us dreading every bill and searching for ways to overcome our debts. Whatever it is that's on our mind, a pen and pad can help us get it off, because our mind is often willing to let it go, as long as we are willing to write it down.

So here is the method for writing yourself to sleep: approximately 15 minutes prior to bedtime, start to write everything that's on you mind. Write your list of things to do, perhaps, but also write down everything else you can think of related to that list. Write down why it's important. Write down how you feel about it. Anything you think you might need to think about that list, or anything else that might be on your mind, write it all down. This might require pages and pages of writing. Keep writing until you have nothing left to write. Now, go to bed.

If you're still awake in 30 minutes, make yourself get up and write again. You will not want to get up. You will most likely decide that this writing thing is an exercise in futility. Maybe you'll even convince yourself that you're almost asleep. Nevertheless, if you're still awake in 30 minutes, and you want this method to work, make yourself get up. Get up and write.

Anything that was on your mind while you were still trying to sleep, write it now. Often you will need to write down more about the emotions related to what you are thinking. Write down the reason you think you are still thinking. What is so upsetting or exciting about what you're thinking? Write it down. If there is unfinished business related to what you're thinking about, write down how you'll handle it. Why is the unfinished business so important to you and what will be others' reactions to how you'll handle it? If it's going to be hard to handle, why will it be so difficult? Write it down. Keep writing. It might require pages and pages. Keep writing until you have nothing left to write. Now, go back to bed.

Repeat this process until you go to sleep, no matter how many times you must get up. It might seem like this method is burdensome, but it's certainly not as irksome as a night full of insomnia. Many people go whole nights without sleeping. Sometimes what little sleep is accomplished is needlessly restless and brings absolutely no refreshment. Writing everything you think, regardless of the number of times you need to get up and write again, will assure that you get restful and refreshing sleep. Not only will you gain salutary repose, but you will undoubtedly also gain some clarity in your thinking, develop wonderful plans, and maybe even, through your writing experience, discover novel insights.

Keep It, and Keep It To Yourself

Before moving on to using writing for painful experiences and trauma, it is important to mention a couple of things. The first is simple. You should not ever throw away what you write until you're 100% sure that those thoughts will not keep you awake. As soon as you throw them out, of course, your mind is quite likely to begin thinking those same thoughts again.

The second thing I need to mention makes holding on to what you write much more difficult. That is, you might find the things you write would be shameful if others saw them. The nature of our strongest emotions is often not very pretty. We generally don't like people to even see us fretting or incensed. We desperately don't want them to see what we're actually thinking when we're overwhelmed by worry or anger. An added caution to writing for insomnia, or for any other mental health reason, thus, is that you'd be best off if no one ever sees what you write. So, feel free to keep it personal. Even your closest confidante need not see what you write when you're writing for your psyche. But also, please don't be ashamed. While there might be certain thoughts that suggest you need to go speak with someone (like thoughts of hurting yourself or others), your thoughts and feelings are yours. I do not know of one single person who, for any reason, should share with others every emotion experienced.

The Writing Cure

For dealing with trauma, or painful memories, or for any issue in your life that might be upsetting you, writing can be used more specifically to relieve long held fears and self doubts as well as to make sense of emotionally baffling ordeals. Before moving on, however, there is one serious caveat about dealing with traumatic experience alone and on one's own. When post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) develops, one's psyche often hangs in a precarious balance. One's emotions are in utter turmoil as a struggle ensues between warding off, and integrating, painful experience. Anything that evokes feelings about, or similar to, an initial trauma, can send one spiraling free-fall through the trauma once again, as though it's occurring right now! If you believe you might have PTSD (please see article, "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), or anything similar to PTSD, please consult a therapist prior to using the following writing method. This method is designed to help you get straight to the problem, but it does not ensure that you will do so slowly and safely. Only an experienced professional can adequately guide those with PTSD at the proper rate and depth to ensure that the treatment of the trauma is not traumatic in itself.

To deal with traumatic experiences or memories we generally need to face our fears about them, reprocess them, and form new insights and beliefs about ourselves in relation to the trauma. Painful experience, including embarrassment and shameful events, accidents involving danger to ourselves or our loved one's, memories of others treating us in ways that were uncomfortable or insulting, and experiences that resulted in a loss of confidence, as well as any other kind of emotionally wrenching circumstance, results in a conflict between one's need to avoid pain and one's need to integrate experience. We naturally avoid things that hurt us, much like we would avoid sticking our hand into a garbage disposal. On the other hand, we need to integrate all the things that happen to us so that we can maintain an ongoing sense of who we are (for a fuller discussion, see the "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder" article). These two biological imperatives, avoiding pain and integrating experience, come into conflict when painful events make it difficult to move on.

In working with traumatic experiences while writing, much can be learned from a large variety of therapies that encourage integration of memories and emotions by connecting logical thought and verbal knowledge with impressionistic thought, including body sensations and our emotions. After traumatic experiences, a person typically separates the thoughts about the trauma from the emotions, images and body sensations experienced when the trauma occurred. By separating thoughts, emotions, images and body sensations related to a trauma, the effects of the trauma can be delayed, and the pain of the trauma can be denied. Unfortunately, as indicated above, traumatic experiences have a way of pushing to be recognized and integrated because integration is so important in understanding ourselves. The effects of a traumatic experience become far more damaging because they have not been fully integrated and processed, and they push their way back into experience against the will of the victim. By using the techniques in these integration therapies while writing, thoughts, feelings, and images from the past can be integrated, and then given new, healthier, meanings that actually help a person move forward in life.

The entire process presented here should be performed over a three day period. Each day should be given time to sink in. Specific writing duration will vary, but serious consideration will require a minimum of 45 minutes per day, and each day will likely require much more time than that. If any part of the exercise seems to cause significant discomfort, do not complete the exercise. The experience of significant discomfort suggests you are working on something much more important than simply a problem from your past, and that the trauma you are attempting to address is so significant that a therapist should be involved. If you need to ask "what is 'significant' discomfort?,"you are probably experiencing "significant" discomfort.

Day One

Writing with this technique begins with "resourcing," which is discovering resources within yourself to counteract those feelings that are bringing you down. In order to deal with traumatic experiences, a person must first develop a place to turn within their mind where they know they will be safe. To find your safety, you must begin developing an image of a person with whom you have felt nurtured, safe and truly cared for. Finding such a person might take some doing. You might need to write a list of people with whom you have felt that way, and then number them from most comforting and nurturing to least (the inability to confidently identify a powerfully nurturing resource person is another sign that you need to seek a psychotherapist). Once you have confidently identified your "resource," imagine yourself with that person. Notice everything about what it's like to be with that person.

(The next three paragraphs will be revisited within each day of the exercise and thus are numbered 1, 2, and 3.)

1. Notice everything you see – everything far and near, in front of you and behind you, to your left and right, above and below you. Notice every shading of light, every contour, every texture, every movement, every color. Take your time and write it all down. Now, notice everything you hear – every sound both far and near, in front of and behind you, to your left and right, above and below you. Notice loudness and softness, rough sounds and soft sounds, high pitched and low pitched sounds, the contour of sound, everything you hear. Take your time and write it all down. Now, notice everything you smell – sweet smells and salty smells, the smell of clean or the smell of dirt, green smells and brown smells, earthy smells and smells of objects, pungent smells and musty smells, everything you smell. Take your time and write it all down. Now, notice everything you taste, clean tastes, metallic tastes, tastes of food or candy or drink, the taste of air, the taste of water, everything you taste. Write it all down. Now, notice everything you feel – notice the feeling of your skin and your clothing or other fabrics/objects touching your skin, notice warmth and coolness, texture and weight. Notice how your head feels, your hands, your feet, your legs, your belly. Notice how your back feels, and notice the feeling in your throat, neck, and chest. Notice the feeling in your face. Write down anything and everything you observe about how you feel.

2. Now, ask yourself, what does this experience mean about me? The fact that it has occurred means something about who you are. It means something about who you are in the context of it happening. It seems to mean something about who you are right now. Mold the meaning of the experience into a definitive statement. What you write must be a statement of fact. Do not attempt to consider how true you think it is. This person you imagine with you, the way they're treating you, the fact that you two are having this experience together, the fact that it is possible for you to experience this feeling – it means something about who you are. Write it down. Write several various meanings down and then pick the one that seems most important.

Examples of common definitive statements that emerge while resourcing are:

• I am a wonderful, well-loved person.

• I am truly important.
• I make people feel good.
• I am funny.
• I am brave.
• I have good ideas.
• The world is mostly safe.
• I can keep myself and/or my family safe.
• I am important.
• I'm special.
• I am great at ______________.

3. Now, focus on that thought. Focus on that thought while putting yourself back in the original image with the feeling and that thought. It is of utmost importance that you combine, to the best of your ability, these three elements. Focus on the thought, in the experience, while feeling the body sensations you imagine or imagined occurring at that time. Keep imagining for several minutes, or until something important occurs to you, and then write that down. Whatever is foremost on your mind, write that down. If your mind wanders to something else related to the thought, the image or the feeling, let yourself focus on that for several minutes, or until something important occurs to you, and then write that down. If your mind wanders to something unrelated to the thought, image or the feeling, go back to focusing on the original image, thought and feeling that you are now attempting to focus upon. Write down whatever you are focusing on related to the image, thought and feeling. Keep writing until you feel you have written as much as you can about that experience with that particular thought.

Adequate resourcing can require several sessions or days of writing. Before delving deeper into your problems, it's extremely important that you know where in your mind to turn when things get rough. Quite often, the process of resourcing is in itself significantly transformative. Take your time with this part of the writing cure. You will enjoy it and will glean endless therapeutic advantages.

Day 2

On day 2 you will write about something that upsets you. Focus on a troubling event. Begin with an event or experience that was somewhat, but not extremely, upsetting. You will want to become familiar with this process prior to tackling the more traumatic memories (once you have mastered the process, you will be able to work on more difficult experiences). Contemplate the event. Think about what that experience meant to you. Why was it so upsetting? Be very careful. If you are properly resourced, you will notice that extremely difficult experiencing during this process will sometimes result in movement to your resource. When you are not too upset, challenge yourself to stay with the upsetting memory, and try to remember all the details and write them down. Now start to work on the first paragraph in "Day 1."

When you feel you have fully remembered the incident using paragraph 1, move on to paragraph 2, but now focusing on a negative statement about yourself related to this upsetting experience. Examples of typical negative statements about oneself which originate in upsetting experiences are as follows:

• No one likes me.
• I'm not good at anything.
• No one has ever loved me.
• No one will ever understand me.
• I'm just a fearful, weak person.
• I hurt those I love.
• I must take care of everyone before myself.
• I might as well not get close to anyone because I will get hurt.
• I am completely ordinary.
• The world is uncontrolled chaos.
• Life is unfair.
• There's no way to keep myself and/or my family safe.
• I am a constant disappointment.
• I can't do anything right.
• I am completely alone.

Once you have chosen a negative statement that seems to represent a strong feeling you have about yourself, move on to paragraph 3 from "Day 1" above. Be careful during this step. When you match this negative thought with the image and the feelings in your body, you will likely begin to experience the most difficult aspects of the original incident. You must be able to handle that level of distress in order to achieve some benefit. If you start to wonder if you can tolerate this experience, that likely means you should cease the exercise and not try to tolerate it. However, if you are able to handle the emotions evoked, feeling upset is an essential element of this process. Again, it is important to realize that extreme trauma must be handled with the help of a trained therapist.

After you feel you have written as much as you can about the bad experience, and associated it with the negative thought, return to your resourcing image of a kind and nurturing person. Complete the writing exercise from paragraph 1 again with your resource, again writing down all the new thoughts and associations that come to mind.

Day 3

On day 3 you will replace the negative thought from day 2 with a positive, preferable thought. The positive thought is typically related to the negative thought, although not always directly. Pick the positive thought as what you would have liked to think about yourself within that traumatic context. That thought will mean something positive about you. It will mean something positive about who you are right now. Mold this new meaning of the experience into a definitive statement. What you write must be a statement of fact. Do not attempt to consider how true you think it is. It must be a possibility and it must be how you'd like to think of yourself related to that situation. Write it down. Write several various meanings down and then pick the one that seems most essential to who you know you could be. When you find the right positive thought, begin with paragraph 1 from "Day 1" above, imagining the bad experience, but now with the positive and preferable thought, and allowing yourself to experience whatever feelings arise. Then move on to paragraph 3 above (skipping paragraph 2), using the positive thought throughout the process, writing down every new thought that emerges.

Examples of positive, preferred thoughts that might coincide with the negative thoughts above are as follows:

• I am well-liked by many in spite of what some think. vs. No one likes me.
• I do have many skills. vs. I'm not good at anything.
• I know I am loved. vs. No one has ever loved me.
• Many people really want to know me. vs. No one will ever understand me.
• Many things I do are very brave. vs. I'm just a fearful, weak person.
• I always try my best for others. vs. I hurt those I love.
• It's okay to be good to myself. vs. I must take care of everyone before myself.
• Even if people sometimes hurt me, I'm strong enough to handle it. vs. I might as well not get close to anyone because everyone will hurt me.
• I need to let people see the real me. vs. I am completely ordinary.
• Although there's no way to control everything, I can keep most things together. vs. The world is uncontrolled chaos.
• If I work hard and treat others fairly, things will mostly be fair in life. vs. Life is unfair.
• I can take precautions for myself and/or my family that will keep me/us safe. vs. There's no way to keep myself and/or my family safe.
• I like what I do. vs. I am a constant disappointment.
• I am a valuable person. vs. I can't do anything right.
• There are many people who care about me. vs. I am completely alone.

Day 3 again ends with returning to your resource image and paragraph 1 from "Day 1," the positive thought from the resource experience, and the feeling from that image. All written once again to reify the strength of that image.

The day 3 process is the final step in reprocessing and integrating a hurtful or traumatic event. Your resource, now installed securely within you, helps modulate the hurtful feelings from experiences that cannot be seen as positive. With the pain of the original experience far less overwhelming than it had been, since it has now been confronted, more moderate thinking is clearly sensible. The reprocessing of the event can also now be generalized so that future experiences are seen more realistically, benignly and constructively. The pain of the event that had previously caused us to be overly sensitive, and which had caused reactionary impulses in us, can now be fully integrated to help inform our understanding of the world and our lives, but not in such a way as to overwhelm. Where once our guarded thinking influenced by that negative event was an obstacle to growth, stunted our perspective on life and relationship, etched blind-spots into our psyche preventing us from perceiving situations for what they were, and kept us focused only on the meaning of those situations as our pain permitted, the writing cure frees one to think more flexibly, and with each trouble confronted, brings writing cure adherent one step closer to the ultimate goals of authenticity and self-actualization.