What would you do if your very best friend, your BFF, was in real trouble? You know how it can go sometimes. A lover breaks up with you and you think maybe you're an ugly loser. Or maybe you're struggling to find a job, and no one seems to want you. Maybe it's just one of those periods when it seems like everything is difficult, and you think it's because of who you are. You start to doubt everything you once thought you knew. Have you had some times like that? Well, imagine that's your best friend now. Maybe it's even worse. Maybe your friend has always felt uncomfortable. It could be nervousness or depression, and your friend reveals that they've always felt that way. Let's say your friend has problems in the family and/or financial trouble. Maybe your friend has been victimized, or is being victimized in some intolerable way.
What would you do for your friend? You would listen and show you care. Right? You'd likely buy them some comforting things that would make them happy; or you'd likely cook them a wholesome, hearty meal. I'll bet you would give them a warm hug and hold them tight - try to radiate your warmth and love right into their very bones. You'd try to make them feel like their ex-lover was the loser or that the potential employers who'd passed them over had made a truly stupid mistake. You'd certainly reinforce their self worth in every way possible. You'd let them know how valuable they are to you and to others. You'd try to build them up and get them moving. You'd want them to exercise. You'd want them to feel strong. You'd want them to make sure they know they can do what may become necessary if they need to change their lives.
Of course all that is true. You know you would do all that for your best friend. So, here is my question, and you have to take this question very seriously. Why the heck don't you do all that for you? It might sound strange, but you should be your own best friend. For sure you're going to be there for the rest of your life. So, be your own BFF. You have to. It's the only thing you could do that really makes sense.
Now I know treating yourself like you're your own best friend sounds like it could be selfish. Or maybe it just seems like you can't do for yourself like you can do for a friend. But why not? How can anyone be more important to you than you? You feel your own pain, but if you're like most other caring people, you pay more attention to the pain you empathize with in others than you do to your own. Most people will get angry to protect themselves or retreat when they're sad, but they never think about caring for themselves in a deeply nurturing way. That depth of aid and tenderness most people reserve for others. They don't even dream of doing it for themselves. Many of these truly loving people feel isolated and especially alone, which makes it especially difficult to overcome their sadness, fear, and shame. If you are thinking that being your own best friend sounds crazy, I can tell you something that is much more disturbed. It's far, far more disturbed to refuse to be your own best friend.
Not only should you, but you really need to be your own best friend. Even if you think you should care for your own children before you care for yourself, that does not make sense. If you've ever flown on a commercial airplane you've heard what the flight attendants say as they speak their mandatory safety spiel. They emphasize very clearly that, if the oxygen masks descend, parents must put the masks on themselves before putting the masks on their children. That's right, you are of no use to your own children unless you care for yourself first. You are also not of much use to anyone else unless you care for yourself first. You have to nurture and care for you if you want to care for and nurture others.
But that is not the only reason you should take good care of yourself. It just simply makes sense that you should care for yourself a lot. Unless you care for yourself adequately, you won't stand up for yourself when you're with others, either friends, family members, or co-workers. If you don't have the proper respect for yourself, why should anyone else? You need to keep in mind why you're great, and if you're having trouble figuring that out, you need to look a little more thoroughly. You need to be very serious about the impact the world has on you because you deserve to be treated in a way that is consistent with how truly great you are. One of the funny things about greatness in a person is that it's usually the greatest people who have a hard time recognizing how great they are. One of the reasons they are so great is that they don't think they are (But don't worry about getting completely full of yourself. Those who don't treat themselves with great care typically don't have it in themselves to ever become self-centered, selfish, and grandiose).
So if you can think of what you'd do for your very best friend, or perhaps even your dear children, certainly you can figure out what to do for you. That's right! When you're having a hard time, you need to do the things you know would make a person like you feel better. If you like tea and a bath, you have to have some tea and pour a bath. Maybe you need to make yourself a good, hearty, meal, or a delicious bowl of chicken soup. Maybe you need to tell yourself to get going and get things done because you know you feel better when you're active. Sure you're going to show yourself the ways in which you know you're a winner. You could list out the great experiences in your life. You could also remember those times when others seemed to love you most and let yourself feel, and soak up, that love. Perhaps, with just a little effort, you'll be able to conjure up those emotions you experience when you imagine what others must have been thinking about you when they were loving you up so much. If you've done some things about which you're not proud, maybe you need to decide to change those kinds of actions. But please please please give yourself a break about what you've done, especially if, and this is usually the case, the person who was most damaged by what you did was you.
In short, you need to be your own best friend. You need to be for yourself the nurturing parent you have in your heart. You need to hug yourself and give yourself that warmth we all so badly need. You need to be able to rely upon yourself to always be there for you. You can be your own best friend and feel resilient and loved. You will be able to get over any kind of trouble with knowledge that everything is going to be okay. You'll know that you'll be able to take care of yourself and your loved one's and you'll be able to get along without things, or certain others, when times get tough. You'll see that what others think about you doesn't matter much compared to what you think about yourself. If you can be there for you, you will never feel alone. If you can truly, deeply, be there for you, you will accomplish perhaps the greatest possible psychological achievement of all - you will have become your very
