The Writing Cure
by Dr. Daniel A. Bochner
Writing is an amazing psychological tool. Many people write on a daily basis to
help them keep abreast of some semblance of continuity within their lives. It
helps them put together and make sense of things that sometimes seem
nonsensical, and it helps them get in touch with feelings from deep within.
Writing is a natural way to unleash ones creative flow. Although words were
developed for communication, when we write, it often seems we communicate
first and foremost with ourselves. As such, writing is a marvelous way to make
sense of ourselves and our lives. Writing is also invaluable in some much more
specific ways. For getting to sleep, and for working through upsetting or
traumatic experiences, writing works wonders. Although writing is a powerfully
versatile tool for maintaining mental health in so many ways, the focal point of
this article will be these more specific uses of writing for insomnia and for
trauma.
Writing for Insomnia
So many people these days use sleep aids for insomnia, but many really wish
they didn't have to. Maybe you really don't have to! It's amazing how easy it is
to get words out of your mind and onto paper. In a way, it's really just a simple
trick of the mind. Our minds work to integrate experience. So, when we're over-
focusing on something at night, apparently our mind is afraid we won't be able to
integrate what we're thinking into our overall experience. On the other hand, as
long as we ensure that we won't forget what we're thinking about, our mind will
often trust that we will take care of integrating later. That's the trick. You may
not know it, but your mind just wants to make sure you won't forget. So, for
insomnia, you only need to write out what's on your mind.
Insomnia can seize us because we're excited about something almost as much as
because we're worried. We might be planning all sorts of details or we might be
challenging ourselves with the most indecipherable problems. We might be
fantasizing with anticipation about some fantastic upcoming event or an
accomplishment we see emerging upon our horizon. We might also be dreading
a necessary or feared confrontation. Or perhaps our financial situation has us
dreading every bill and searching for ways to overcome our debts. Whatever it is
that's on our mind, a pen and pad can help us get it off, because our mind is
often willing to let it go, as long as we are willing to write it down.
So here is the method for writing yourself to sleep: approximately 15 minutes
prior to bedtime, start to write everything that's on you mind. Write your list of
things to do, perhaps, but also write down everything else you can think of
related to that list. Write down why it's important. Write down how you feel
about it. Anything you think you might need to think about that list, or anything
else that might be on your mind, write it all down. This might require pages and
pages of writing. Keep writing until you have nothing left to write. Now, go to
bed.
If you're still awake in 30 minutes, make yourself get up and write again. You
will not want to get up. You will most likely decide that this writing thing is an
exercise in futility. Maybe you'll even convince yourself that you're almost
asleep. Nevertheless, if you're still awake in 30 minutes, and you want this
method to work, make yourself get up. Get up and write.
Anything that was on your mind while you were still trying to sleep, write it
now. Often you will need to write down more about the emotions related to
what you are thinking. Write down the reason you think you are still thinking.
What is so upsetting or exciting about what you're thinking? Write it down. If
there is unfinished business related to what you're thinking about, write down
how you'll handle it. Why is the unfinished business so important to you and
what will be others' reactions to how you'll handle it? If it's going to be hard to
handle, why will it be so difficult? Write it down. Keep writing. It might require
pages and pages. Keep writing until you have nothing left to write. Now, go
back to bed.
Repeat this process until you go to sleep, no matter how many times you must
get up. It might seem like this method is burdensome, but it's certainly not as
irksome as a night full of insomnia. Many people go whole nights without
sleeping. Sometimes what little sleep is accomplished is needlessly restless and
brings absolutely no refreshment. Writing everything you think, regardless of the
number of times you need to get up and write again, will assure that you get
restful and refreshing sleep. Not only will you gain salutary repose, but you will
undoubtedly also gain some clarity in your thinking, develop wonderful plans,
and maybe even, through your writing experience, discover novel insights.
Keep It, and Keep It To Yourself
Before moving on to using writing for painful experiences and trauma, it is
important to mention a couple of things. The first is simple. You should not
ever throw away what you write until you're 100% sure that those thoughts will
not keep you awake. As soon as you throw them out, of course, your mind is
quite likely to begin thinking those same thoughts again.
The second thing I need to mention makes holding on to what you write much
more difficult. That is, you might find the things you write would be shameful if
others saw them. The nature of our strongest emotions is often not very pretty.
We generally don't like people to see us fretting or incensed. We desperately
don't want them to see what we're thinking when we're in those states. An
added caution to writing for insomnia, or for any other mental health reason,
thus, is that you'd be best off if no one ever sees what you write. So, feel free to
keep it personal. Even your closest confidante need not see what you write
when you're writing for your psyche.
The Writing Cure
For dealing with trauma, or painful memories, or for any issue in your life that
might be upsetting you, writing can be used more specifically to relieve long held
fears and self doubts as well as to make sense of emotionally baffling ordeals.
Before moving on, however, there is one serious caveat about dealing with
traumatic experience alone and on one's own. When post-traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD) develops, one's psyche often hangs in a precarious balance.
One's emotions are in utter turmoil as a struggle ensues between warding off, and
integrating, painful experience. Anything that evokes feelings about, or similar to,
an initial trauma, can send one spiraling free-fall through the trauma once again,
as though it's occurring right now! If you believe you might have PTSD (please
see article, “Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), or anything similar to PTSD, please
consult a therapist prior to using the following writing method. This method is
designed to help you get straight to the problem, but it does not ensure that you
will do so slowly and safely. Only an experienced professional can adequately
guide those with PTSD at the proper rate and depth to ensure that the treatment
of the trauma is not traumatic in itself.
To deal with traumatic experiences or memories we generally need to face our
fears about them, reprocess them, and form new insights and beliefs about
ourselves in relation to the trauma. Painful experience, including embarrassment
and shameful events, accidents involving danger to ourselves or our loved one's,
memories of others treating us in ways that were uncomfortable or insulting, and
experiences that resulted in a loss of confidence, as well as any other kind of
emotionally wrenching circumstance, results in a conflict between one's need to
avoid pain and one's need to integrate experience. We naturally avoid things that
hurt us, much like we would avoid sticking our hand into a garbage disposal. On
the other hand, we need to integrate all the things that happen to us so that we
can maintain an ongoing sense of who we are (for a fuller discussion, see the
“Post-traumatic Stress Disorder” article). These two biological imperatives,
avoiding pain and integrating experience, come into conflict when painful events
make it difficult to move on.
In working with traumatic experiences while writing, much can be learned from a
large variety of therapies that encourage integration of memories and emotions by
connecting logical thought and verbal knowledge with impressionistic thought,
including body sensations and our emotions. After traumatic experiences, a
person typically separates the thoughts about the trauma from the emotions,
images and body sensations experienced when the trauma occurred. By
separating thoughts, emotions, images and body sensations related to a trauma,
the effects of the trauma can be delayed, and the pain of the trauma can be
denied. Unfortunately, as indicated above, traumatic experiences have a way of
pushing to be recognized and integrated because integration is so important in
understanding ourselves. The effects of a traumatic experience become far more
damaging because they have not been fully integrated and processed, and they
push their way back into experience against the will of the victim. By using the
techniques in these integration therapies while writing, thoughts, feelings, and
images from the past can be integrated, and then given new, healthier, meanings
that actually help a person move forward in life.
The entire process presented here should be performed over a three day period.
Each day should be given time to sink in. Specific writing duration will vary, but
serious consideration will require a minimum of 45 minutes per day, and each
day will likely require much more time than that. If any part of the exercise
seems to cause significant discomfort, do not complete the exercise. The
experience of significant discomfort suggests you are working on something
much more important than simply a problem from your past, and that the trauma
you are attempting to address is so significant that a therapist should be
involved. If you need to ask “what is 'significant' discomfort?,”you are probably
experiencing “significant” discomfort.
Day One
Writing with this technique begins with “resourcing,” which is discovering
resources within yourself to counteract those feelings that are bringing you
down. In order to deal with traumatic experiences, a person must first develop a
place to turn within their mind where they know they will be safe. To find your
safety, you must begin developing an image of a person with whom you have felt
nurtured, safe and truly cared for. Finding such a person might take some
doing. You might need to write a list of people with whom you have felt that
way, and then number them from most comforting and nurturing to least (the
inability to confidently identify a powerfully nurturing resource person is another
sign that you need to seek a psychotherapist). Once you have confidently
identified your “resource,” imagine yourself with that person. Notice everything
about what it's like to be with that person.
(The next three paragraphs will be revisited within each day of the exercise and
thus are numbered 1, 2, and 3.)
1. Notice everything you see – everything far and near, in front of you and
behind you, to your left and right, above and below you, every shading of light,
every contour, every texture, every movement, every color. Take your time and
write it all down. Now notice everything you hear – every sound both far and
near, in front of and behind you, to your left and right, above and below you,
loudness and softness, rough sounds and soft sounds, high pitched and low
pitched sounds, the contour of sound, everything you hear. Take your time and
write it all down. Now notice everything you smell – sweet smells and salty
smells, the smell of clean or the smell of dirt, green smells and brown smells,
earthy smells and smells of objects, pungent smells and musty smells, everything
you smell. Take your time and write it all down. Now notice everything you
taste, clean tastes, metallic tastes, tastes of food or candy or drink, the taste of
air, the taste of water, everything you taste. Write it all down. Now notice
everything you feel – notice the feeling of your skin and your clothing or other
fabrics/objects touching your skin, notice warmth and coolness, texture and
weight, notice how your head feels, your hands, your feet, your legs, your belly,
notice how your back feels, and notice the feeling in your throat, neck, and
chest, notice the feeling in your face. Write down anything you observe about
how you feel.
2. Now, ask yourself, what does this experience mean about me? The fact that it
has occurred means something about who you are. It means something about
who you are in the context of it happening. It seems to mean something about
who you are right now. Mold the meaning of the experience into a definitive
statement. What you write must be a statement of fact. Do not attempt to
consider how true you think it is. This person you imagine with you, the way
they're treating you, the fact that you two are having this experience together, the
fact that it is possible for you to experience this feeling – it means something
about who you are. Write it down. Write several various meanings down and
then pick the one that seems most important.
Examples of common definitive statements that emerge while resourcing are:
I am a wonderful, well-loved person.
I am truly important.
I make people feel good.
I am funny.
I am brave.
I have good ideas.
The world is mostly safe.
I can keep myself and/or my family safe.
I am important.
I'm special.
I am great at ______________.
3. Now, focus on that thought. Focus on that thought while putting yourself
back in the original image with the original feeling and that thought. Keep
imagining for several minutes, or until something important occurs to you, and
then write that down. Whatever is foremost on your mind, write that down. If
your mind wanders to something else related to the thought, the image or the
feeling, let yourself focus on that for several minutes, or until something
important occurs to you, and then write that down. If your mind wanders to
something unrelated to the thought, image or the feeling, go back to focusing on
the original image, thought and feeling. Write down whatever you are focusing
on related to the image, thought and feeling. Keep writing until you feel you
have written as much as you can about that experience with that particular
thought.
Adequate resourcing can require several sessions or days of writing. Before
delving deeper into your problems, it's extremely important that you know where
in your mind to turn when things get rough. Quite often, the process of
resourcing is in itself significantly transformative. Take your time with this part
of the writing cure. You will enjoy it and will glean endless therapeutic
advantages.
Day 2
On day 2 you will write about something that upsets you. Focus on a troubling
event. Begin with an event or experience that was somewhat, but not extremely,
upsetting. You will want to become familiar with this process prior to tackling
the more traumatic memories (once you have mastered the process, you will be
able to work on more difficult experiences). Contemplate the event. Think
about what that experience meant to you. Why was it so upsetting? Be very
careful. If you are properly resourced, you will notice that extremely difficult
experiencing during this process will sometimes result in movement to your
resource. When you are not too upset, challenge yourself to stay with the
upsetting memory, and try to remember all the details and write them down.
Now start to work on the first paragraph above. When you feel you have fully
remembered the incident with paragraph 1, move on to paragraph 2, but now
focusing on a negative statement about yourself related to this upsetting
experience. Examples of typical negative statements about oneself from
upsetting experiences are as follows:
No one likes me.
I'm not good at anything.
No one has ever loved me.
No one will ever understand me.
I'm just a fearful, weak person.
I hurt those I love.
I must take care of everyone before myself.
I might as well not get close to anyone because I will get hurt.
I am completely ordinary.
The world is uncontrolled chaos.
Life is unfair.
There's no way to keep myself and/or my family safe.
I am a constant disappointment.
I can't do anything right.
I am completely alone.
Once you have chosen a negative statement that seems to represent a strong
feeling you have about yourself, move on to paragraph 3 above. Be careful
during this step. When you match this negative thought with the image and the
feelings in your body, you will likely begin to experience the most difficult
aspects of the original incident. You must be able to handle that level of distress
in order to achieve some benefit. If you start to wonder if you can handle this
experience, that means you should not try to handle it. However, if you are able
to handle it, feeling upset is part of this process. Again, it is important to realize
that extreme trauma must be handled with the help of a trained therapist.
After you feel you have written as much as you can about the bad experience,
and associated it with the negative thought, return to your resourcing image of a
kind and nurturing person. Complete the writing exercise from paragraph 1 again
with your resource, again writing down all the new thoughts and associations that
come to mind.
Day 3
On day 3 you will replace the negative thought from day 2 with a positive,
preferable thought. The positive thought is typically related to the negative
thought, although not always directly. Now choose a positive thought about the
incident that you would prefer to think. When you find the right positive
thought, begin with paragraph 1 above imagining the bad experience, but now
with the positive and preferable thought, and allowing yourself to experience
whatever feelings arise. Then move on to paragraph 3 above (skipping
paragraph 2), using the positive thought throughout the process, writing down
every new thought that emerges.
Examples of positive, preferred thoughts that might coincide with the negative
thoughts above are as follows:
I am well-liked by many in spite of what some think. vs. No one likes me.
I do have many skills. vs. I'm not good at anything.
I know I am loved. vs. No one has ever loved me.
Many people really want to know me. vs. No one will ever understand me.
Many things I do are very brave. vs. I'm just a fearful, weak person.
I always try my best for others. vs. I hurt those I love.
It's okay to be good to myself. vs. I must take care of everyone before myself.
Even if people sometimes hurt me, I'm strong enough to handle it. vs. I might as
well not get close to anyone because everyone will hurt me.
I need to let people see the real me. vs. I am completely ordinary.
Although there's no way to control everything, I can keep most things together.
vs. The world is uncontrolled chaos.
If I work hard and treat others fairly, things will mostly be fair in life. vs. Life is
unfair.
I can take precautions for myself and/or my family that will keep me/us safe.
vs. There's no way to keep myself and/or my family safe.
I like what I do. vs. I am a constant disappointment.
I am a valuable person. vs. I can't do anything right.
There are many people who care about me. vs. I am completely alone.
Day 3 again ends with returning to your resource image and paragraph 1, the
positive thought from the resource experience, and the feeling from that image.
All written once again to reify the strength of that image.
The day 3 process is the final step in reprocessing and integrating a hurtful or
traumatic event. Your resource, now installed securely within you, helps
modulate the hurtful feelings from experiences that cannot be seen as positive.
With the pain of the original experience far less overwhelming than it had been,
since it has now been confronted, more moderate thinking is clearly sensible.
The reprocessing of the event can also now be generalized so that future
experiences are seen more realistically, benignly and constructively. The pain of
the event that had previously caused us to be overly sensitive, and which had
caused reactionary impulses in us, can now be fully integrated to help inform our
understanding of the world and our lives, but not in such a way as to
overwhelm. Where once our guarded thinking influenced by that negative event
was an obstacle to growth, stunted our perspective on life and relationship,
etched blind-spots into our psyche preventing us from perceiving situations for
what they were, and kept us focused only on the meaning of those situations as
our pain permitted, the writing cure frees one to think more flexibly, and with
each trouble confronted, brings its adherent one step closer to the ultimate goals
of authenticity and self-actualization.
*Shapiro, Francine (1995). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing:
basic principles, protocols, and procedures. New York: Guilford Press. pp. 398